OneEye's Problem with Firepaw
by Macey-the-Magical
Summary: One-Eye seems to have a problem with everybody. Follow the elders of Into The Wild as they deal with her temper and watch as she crushes all in her path! Chap. 2, One-Eye's Problem with Graypaw is up! Title is based on the YouTube video. I don't own it!
1. OneEye's Problem with Firepaw

_Okay! So here's the deal: I was really bored and was searching random fanfics. I looked for one on One-Eye cuz she's cool, but there was nothing! NO THING!!! So I came up with this out of nowhere. It's just pretty much about how she hates Firepaw cuz I've always imagined her hating him for no reason! And I can't believe I'm actually publishing this! It is also my first humor fanfic, and it will be very short. So be nice!_

_If I owned Warriors, Firestar and Spottedleaf would have never even looked at each other, the three would be Squirrelflight's, Leafpool wouldn't be exiled, and Crowfeather wouldn't be an emotionless zombie. But that's just me, right?_

"Where're them dang youngun's at?!" One-Eye complained talking like a hillbilly. Smallear rocked a couple more times and drew in a huge breath from his paper bag, which he called, 'Pappy Baggers'.

Dappletail groaned. "One-Eye, that is the 327th time you asked that question to no one in particular. KNOCK IT OFF!!!!" As you can see, Dappletail is the brains and the spazz of the group.

Just then the klutzy Firepaw rushed in, only making it 3 steps before tripping over nothing.

*****SLOW MOTION*****

**Firepaw's legs flailing everywhere, tongue out, flying through the air...**

**"CURSE YOU, NOTHING!!!!"**

*****end of slo-mo-moment*****

Firepaw's scream awoke Smallear from his 'happy time' and sent him twitching and gagging on his own saliva again. Dappletail sighed and jabbed the needle in his arm again. Dr. Fishbobb had entrusted it to her after screening her for insanity. Nope, nothing, just anger management and chronic paranoia.

"AAAAH!!" Smallear squeaked. "Pretty-- unicorn... I'm a baby butterfly..." Dappletail tossed the needle away as he began snoring. "Well, that should hold him till the next Gathering." she said.

One-Eye stared down at Firepaw, who was still on the ground and was now cringing under her glare. "WHERE IS MY VEGGIE BURGER ROTISSERY?!?!?!" Firepaw's eye twitched and he clapped one paw over it. "Uh-da-I-ja-ba-wah-wuh-I-I-I didn't know you wanted one, you didn't tell me, there was no notice, EEP!!!" He curled up in a shivering ball on the floor of the elder's den and waited his daily dosage of One-Eye pain.

One-Eye didn't move. Firepaw waited 20 minutes before peeking out from his 'protective stance'. She was still glaring at him. He scrambled his paws.

"Look, don't yell--"

"GET ME MY VEGGIE BURGER ROTISSERY!!!!"

"EEEEP!" Firepaw began to scramble off, only to slip and fall over Pappy Baggers, thus waking up Smallear, thus causing him to scream, "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY PAPPY BAGGERS?!?!?!", thus breaking One-Eye's hearing aid, thus making it screech in her ear, thus causing her to--

"*&^%$#!#$%*)(*&^%$!$%^&*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Well, yeah.

Then Firepaw attempted to run away, only to be pinned down by One-Eye while she beat him with her cane as Smallear began fumbling around wildly on the floor for Pappy Baggers while screaming about Mortimer the Demon Bunny and his evil celery minions coming to get him. Meanwhile, Dappletail was shaking her head and asking herself why she didn't get paid more for this.

_Yes I know it was horrible. Flame if you may, it only hurts on the inside... _-.-


	2. Quick note!

QUICK NOTE!!

Dear Readers,

Some of you may have noticed that there's a random line in the middle of the story. I want to apologize because that's not supposed to be there. There's actually supposed to be a lot of money signs, number signs, exclamation points, asterixes, percent signs, parentheses, and numbers to represent One-eye swearing since I refuse to use foul language openly in my stories. ^-^ So I was just letting you know and apologixzing for that.

Oh, one more thing! If you guys want me to do another chapter to this with any character, please let me know in a review on this story. For example, if you want me to do a One-eye's problem with Graypaw, please say so. Thank you!

The Amazing Teenage Disappearing Act~~ Macey-the-Invisible


	3. OneEye's Problem with Graypaw

_Hey everybody! It's the stories of One-eye's problems... continued!! =D =D =D I got several suggestions, and I will use them, but first I'm going to do all the problems with the first five apprentices. (Ravenpaw, Dustpaw, etc.) So I hope you guys like the continuation of One-eye's problem with Firepaw as I give you....... One-Eye's Problem with Graypaw!!!! XD (Oh, and I realized I didn't have Halftail in the last chapter! I will in this one!)_

_ Disclaimer: If I owned Warriors, Firestar and Spottedleaf wouldn't have even looked at each other, the Three would the Squirrelflight's kits, Leafpool would still be in the Clan, and Crowfeather wouldn't be an emotionless zombie. But that's just me, right? I also don't own airplanes, the Army, ballet, granola bars, or Hitler. Nor do I like him. ._

One-Eye was jolted from her 12th afternoon nap at the sound of a terrible plane imitation outside. Grabbing her cane, which was now held together with glue and Scotch tape after being broken by Firepaw's thick head, she hobbled to the entrance of the elder's den. Seeing what was making the noise, she groaned.

Graypaw had both his front legs stretched out and was running, or "zooming" around the camp pretending to be an airplane.

One-Eye waved her cane around like a sword. "You danged youngun'! Git ta Yellerfang's den RIGHT NOW an' start workin', YA HEAR ME????"

Graypaw immediately stopped and stood up straight. "Ma'am, yes, ma'am!" He sharply turned in the direction of the medicine cat den and goose-stepped all the way there, yelling, "LEFT! LEFT! LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT! LEFT! LEFT! LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT! Company, MARCH!!"

One-Eye began to walk back into the den as quietly as possible, but it was too late. Smallear had woken up.

"GOOD MORNING BARNYARD!!!!" That woke up Dappletail.

"We don't live in a barnyard-- GENIUS!" She shrieked the last word, startling Smallear and resulting in him diving for Pappy Baggers, also held together by glue and Scotch tape since Firepaw had tried and failed to shield himself with the paper bag. Smallear clutched it tightly, stroked it and muttered a few indiscernible words, then started to breathe in it.

Dappletail rolled her eyes. "Insanity serves him right. After all, he _is_ insane. Hey," she added, looking around. "Where's Halftail?"

Then the two elderly she-cats spotted him on the roof of the elder's den. One-Eye yowled in annoyance. Dappletail sighed. "Oh, yeah," she muttered. "He's got yoga today."

Halftail was standing rod-straight high on the top of the den doing a sun salutation. Opening one eye just a slit, he saw his fellow geezers staring at him. "Good afternoon, grasshoppers. Have you finally come to acknowledge you beauty and grace of the Kontishiwa meditation ways?" He attempted to do a crane and almost toppled off the roof.

"No way, ya clueless BUM!" One-Eye screeched up to him, storming back into the elder's den shortly afterwards, Dappletail close behind her.

By the time they were both back in their nests, Graypaw had returned with mouse bile and clean bedding.

"TOOK YA LONG ENOUGH!!" One-Eye yelled. Smallear, curled up on the floor right next to One-Eye, stopped hyperventilating just long enough to let out a high, pitiful "EEP!", resuming his former pastime immediately.

But Graypaw wasn't paying attention. Now he was a ballerina, tip-toeing and spinning around carelessly. His tail flung around the elder's den and, before One-Eye or Dappletail cold do anything, shattered all 363 of Halftail's porcelain statues of Buddha.

"What is all the unpleasant racket, my little granola bars?" Halftail's head popped into the doorway upside down. He saw one broken Buddha head and all traces of Zen were gone. Halftail began clawing at the walls of the elder's den while screaming unbelievable profanity through the holes he was making. Graypaw paid no mind, for he was now pretending to be a Nazi, marching around and jutting his paw from his chest to the air and yelling, "HATE HITLER!! HATE HITLER!!"

Dappletail quickly saw that she was the only one able to take control of the situation. Grabbing the almighty blue and Scotch tape, she speedily repaired the majority (oh, about 100) of broken Buddha's, setting them back in place on the bookshelves on Halftail's side of the den. Grabbing one, she held it out one of the many holes that Halftail had made.

"Halftail! Halftail, look! Buddha's all better!" She held it out for a little, then a paw snatched the porcelain figure away, and she head Halftail scrambled up to the roof muttering, "My precious..."

"HATE HITLER!! HATE HITLER!! Haaaaaaaaaaaatttteee HITLER!!" With the last word, Graypaw threw his paw out, letting go of the mouse bile-soaked moss. It flew through the air in slow motion, and landed nowhere else but One-Eye's face.

* * *

So there.

Then One-Eye proceeded to throw every one of Halftail's Buddha's at Graypaw, whether they were in one piece or not, as Halftail returned to ripping apart the elder's den after hearing the commotion and seeing his precious being shattered again and Smallear used sense for once and darted out of the den, only to be flattened by a piece of falling roof when he returned to Pappy Baggers. Dappletail, on the other hand, calmly stood up and took the back door out, walking into the clearing for some fresh air as all heck broke loose in the elder's den.

_Yep. There's One-Eye's problem with Graypaw. Lol XD I really hope you liked it! I want to have One-Eye swear in every chapter. I used only numbers while writing this swearing part, but if you still see the line, let me know so I won't do it again. And I hope you guys noticed how I put "Hate Hitler" instead of "Hail Hitler" because hailing Hitler is completely out of the question. Please don't sue me or get mad at me now. Thanks and please review! KTHANXBYE XD_


End file.
